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I've got friends in low places

"I'VE TOASTED YOU AND SAID HONEY WHERE THROUGH  BUT I'LL NEVER COMPLAIN, CUZ I'VE GOT FRIENDS IN LOW PLACES......."


  Ahh yes Chris your gone and yes at first i was hurt and heart broken questioning what i could have done so wrong for you to leave and do what you did to me and all my stuff and most importantly my sentimental, non replaceable stuff.....but i'm at a new place now, you tossed material things, the memories you can never destroy, the pictures in my mind can never be ruined, damaged, tossed out or sold i will have those forever.  You destroyed the old me the old memories the things that tied my heart and mind to the past and for that i owe you my sincere thanks, you've released me from the past and given me the wings to fly and discover the person i was meant to be and to happiness and contentment in life, you were a stepping stone to a brighter and better future, no longer do i hate you, i forgive you and wish only for your happiness and hope one day you'll find someone who makes you happy and you will finally settle down and get your life together.  As for me i've begun my journey i'm doing great things and i'm finally happy and content with life and live only for today and leave the rest up to GOD, he has done wonderful things for me, my Lord and Savior rescued me in the jail that day and put his arms around me and i accepted him and gave my life to him completely and not just saying the words but actually meaning it and it being my decision not to please someone else but it's because i wanted to and it's done wonders for me, he's helped me get where i am today and i know he has a plan for me even though i'm not sure what that is and i still wish i had his cell number or he'd put the map in the cereal box so i knew which way to go lol i'm ok with knowing he's got it under control and i just have to believe.  No longer do i believe things to be hopeless or pointless, there's meaning in everything i do or think and every step i take is taking me somewhere.  I'm finding joy in things i never saw before like a sunrise or trees budding or ducks in a creek, i'm finding i'm capable of things i never thought i could do, i can cook if i just try, i taught myself to knit, i've got office skills i was never aware of, i can draw(sort of), but instead of fearing new things i'm at least willing to give it a try, i've thought of taking drawing classed don't know where that came from honestly but it's something i've found....i see things and look at the lines as to how you'd draw them....i've discovered things about me through art therapy that i never new existed or couldn't put into words....i'm sad this class will be ending soon, i'll have to figure how to carry on this discovery in other venues discovering myself and expressing myself through art.  I can't change the past but i can make the future better by not continuing to make the same mistakes and learning from past ones and praying for the strength to resist temptation or to see the errors of my ways and the ways to correct them, i'm motivated to change my life for the better to develop a better and stronger relationship with my children, to get my debts paid off although this will take awhile but i know i can do, i've made great strides, i've been clean and sober for 15 months as of christmas day, i have a job and i'm in my own apartment and i'm paying my bills instead of avoiding them.  I'm not perfect and never will be but i continue everyday to be the best person i can be.  So Chris here's my final toast to you and the life we had and the things we did and the good memories as well as the bad and a toast to that were through and we've moved on and i've got my friends and yeah they may be in low places but there still my friends and at the end of the day they are still there when your not.

1st journal entry-


i'm not really sure how this site works or if i'll like it as much as i did yahoo 360 my first love and a site i greatly miss but upon a friends suggestion i will give this site a try and see how it works out, wonder how long it will take to figure out this program...what can and can't i do on here....i do like the suggested blog ideas when i have a blogger's block, there were many nights I ran across that on 360 and they didn't offer suggestion so there's a plus for this site...hmmm time will tell....

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panther7149
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